It will come..

After a full month of the 9-5 routine, things are gather up together; in a good way! The bus stop is so close to the apartment and I always get off a few stops early, so I could walk home and decompress the day and reflect what could have done better and of course other things that come to mind right after getting of the bus is what to make for the supper and can I make it to bed early today (honestly). 

I guess, holiday is always a treat for full-timers, is it? The long weekend seemed just gone like a swift. Where did all that time go? When I was still staying at home I was able to finish so much, sewing, house working, and running errands. It felt so strange not being able to do so much for the first time and have trouble finding time to just sew during the long weekend. I really would like to catch up the sew along I am doing and mini nine patch quilt that I am working on and few other sewing projects that I have started, but have not be able to task on. 

Over the weekend, I took Sunday morning off from everything else and focus on working the shop listings for the patchwork handmade items that I have been slowly creating. It has been over 3 years since I have decided reopen the handmade items for the shop.

When I first finished up graduate school in 2013, I though I would teach fine art for rest of my life,but teaching in a large classroom setting was not something that I felt comfortable with and I taught 3 years in college setting for fine art students. There was just something that I was not truly connected to.  So, I took time away from teaching after moved away from N.D. 

Of course, I was lost, if I don't teach what can I do? I have had asked myself this questions a lot from the day I graduated from school.  It was hard to find that path after school. Luckily, I was commissioned to make patchwork quilts at the time, word of mouth is magic! That led me into a new path and I was also giving private sewing lesson to local friends' friend and friend on a one-on-one base. It was the path that I was seeing myself going for; making/selling handmade quilts, pouches, and teaching sewing lessons. 

Around March, 2014, I launched quarter inch mark studio. That was the time I have published my very first sewing pattern. The feedback was unbelievable and that really have brought me excitement and encouragements. No one would  really understand what that supports and feedback meant to me and S. Until this day, I still am feeling grateful!

Right around that June, we've decided to settled down in Iowa and found the perfect home for us! It was in a perfect neighborhood area for S to grow and I can start grow roots for the little patchwork studio. Between month of March to August of 2014, it was dramatic months and exhausted. I have had all kind of ideas and anxiety for all the things, but it didn't work out and I have had to start allover. It was not easy, but we managed and moved into our first home! 

It was a perfect home! It really was! We loved it there! After settled in S with new school and lessons.  I started the "talk" with my dear friend Staci for running a sewing studio in  our "living room and kitchen area". It was a perfect space for a table of 6 people and enough of plugs. Staci helped me on checking into all details for running a studio at home and took me to local sewing stores for possible teaching class. The local teaching opportunities didn't turn out, so that was disappointment for sure, but that didn't back me down. I remember that somehow there were things that didn't work out and that "dream" of running a studio fall apart. I fell into real difficult depression time the hardest emotional break down. I still have no ideas how it happened to me, but I was hard! The sewing studio idea was great, but it didn't work out. Maybe the timing was not right? That have led me to questioning myself more and more and that was the true reason I decided to discontinue selling my works. It was hard decision at the time, but it was the decision seemed right to make. 

Moving away Iowa was something that I never though about! Life takes us on roller coaster rides and sometimes we really get tire and frustrated of it, but sometimes it takes on adventure and discover better and meaningful of the life ride. Coming to east coast is the best decision in my life! I probably would not admit it 3 years ago, but I definitely believe it is the best of best move that we've done so far! I wouldn't say that we love New York ( but who doesn't love New York), but after living in Midwest for nearly 18 years, New York is too much for us still this day. 

It has taken me a good 2 years to feel settle in and getting used to the city life pattern; not all that perfect, but there's a lot of changes that made within myself. I've not change a bit who I am, but then change to a better and confident soul in someway and I am taking No so much easy now! Rejections just come easier for me and maybe I am getting older, so it doesn't hurt too much. 

In 2017, I took a leap and started creating sewing patterns. I knew that having an in-house studio is impossible in our small N.Y. apartment and the timing is not right, still. But I do enjoy writing sewing patterns; provide clear instructions in the way how I would taught in person and show every details if I could in the photos. I have had started a few new sewing patterns; unfinished ones in the pattern folders. Then in 2018 I had to leave my little family behind for awhile to be with my family oversea.  

After all the curves in life, I am still holding up my "dream" of running a patchwork studio somewhere this day. I didn't want to give up what I have been working on last 10 years. Getting a full-time job is for the reality, paying the bills and saving up for the studio. Soon S will be leaving the nest that we build together. I knew I probably will have empty nest symptom and I like to prepare for that now.  I am excited to have patchwork items update to shop from now on. 

I will keep on writing. I can't promise weekly posts, but will promise for monthly post.

I will keep on sharing patchworks here because it is important for me. 

I will keep on sewing , maybe not everyday, but I will keep building the dream job that I dream of. 

because I know, it will come.... 

Thank you for being here and all... Years of blog reading, private messages and all. You have really gift this gal a dream to dream on ! 

xxc

** You can find all the handmade pouches in the shop. The handmade items will be active from Thursdays to Saturdays. I will deactivate the listings around Saturdays 10a.m. So that will give me time to wrap up the packages and ship them in a timely manner, since I am not able to make it to the post office on the weekdays. 

Slow Patchwork

Time has slipped through my fingers since I was last here. I have tried to write an update post in my mind many times, but then when I have a few minutes to sit down all I want is to read and be slice. Today I made my mind to stay home; tidy up the living room, water plants, mop the floor, laundry , iron all the work shirts, and wipe out the dust in the studio and more bits and bobs that have been accumulated.

After coming back from visiting papa who slipped down and broke his backbone the end of the last year. I took another few weeks off from job hunting. The job hunting started in early January, I sent out lots resumes and waited to hear something and of course, nothing was heard. The ongoing searching jobs and submitting resumes taken up lots of energy and time. There were time, that I took time off to sew and write and to give myself a break from the process (thank you for being here). There were time, I had though maybe the phone is not working, so I would text a friend and just to check if the phone is actually work ( and it is working). The job searching process is long and it drains out confidence and brings anxiety.  I knew it wouldn't be easy since I live in a competitive city even job opportunities are widely open.  I keep on trying and keep optimistic about it!

Nothing was heard in February! So that made the month of February very long and gray! I wish it was pink allover, but it was not! I actually was depressed and started have more doubts in myself and of course that inner self conversation began all unhealthy and questionable. I was blessed! Have friends started calling and checking on me and see where I am at with things! Then beginning of March, I took time off from the job search and focus on sewing and positive self-dialog.  It felt pretty encouraging with all the work that I could have done in the studio without distraction and brights me up.

Around mid March, I started getting phone calls and emails for interviews (what????) I know,  they just came all together around the same time. I had numbers of phone interviews and in person interviews. I have had rejections follow up, but more opportunities came along! I felt dizzy after all the roller coster rides.   Right after the last posting, I was invited for a second interview and spent time to prepare for it. I knew I have a good chance and needed to take extra mile on this opportunity. I didn't think the second interview went that well! You know, you just kind of know how it went after met with the directors! But then I received the offering phone call two days later and was hired! It just happened!  So,  I have been working and training last three weeks full-time and yes it takes time to feel myself again! I am just tired and too anxious!

My body is exhausted after getting off the bus from work as I have been getting up at 6a.m.. When I came home, all I want is sit and read a page or two of the book. Make myself a cup of tea. Around 6p.m. put on the apron and start prepare supper and semi-tidy up the space. I tried to reground myself a bit and getting things organized, but mentally I am just not there! I knew it is going to get better and improve as the time goes!

I haven't step in to the studio for three long weeks and totally miss the sewing time and everything. I am thinking I still remember how to sew and cut fabrics, but it requires time to pickup that productive sewing mojo.

Today has been a productive day at home for a long time; cross out to-do lists and getting organized!  The shoulders are feeling lighter as I check off the promises list as well. This is the behind blog life that I am working with and finally feeling comfortable to share with you.

As the weather gets warmer and daylight gets longer, I am hoping to maybe sit and sew a bit in the studio before prepping the supper and I just knew it takes routine and self effort for that, too!

Stay turn!

and Thank you for staying around...

xxc